Undoubtedly screwed in more ways than one
by THISISANOLDWEEBACCOUNT
Summary: America's gone and lost Britains tea..AGAIN. Yep, hes bloody pissed about it too. But trying to sort out the predicament is not being so easy..Eventual USUK, Mild Crack.
1. In which there are tea stained troubles

"Alfred F. Jones" Stated the British gentleman. " You have been a bad boy."

America spun on his computer chair, "Hey, lay it easy on me would ya dude? I'm trying to read some marvel here!" He exclaimed, putting back on the headphones Britain had made him take off just minuets before.

" Don't go bloody interrupting my lectures you twat!" Arthur raged, although unsuccessful in regaining the younger nation's attention." Leave him be Angleterre, it's as if you WANT America to notice you." France muttered, taking yet another sip of wine.

"And you can shut up frog face!" Britain snapped at the innocent Francis. He sat down and rubbed his forehead as if soothing a migraine. "Honestly…I think I'm the only sane mind here sometimes…" Arthur said in a half-whisper.

Canada, who had apparently been there the whole time, turned to England. "Um, excuse me Britain.." Matthew stammered. Arthur looked at the quiet nation surprised at his sudden appearance.

"Oh Canada...I didn't see you there.." He said, sort of feeling guilty at not noticing Him there.

"Um, I was wondering… W-what exactly HAS America done wrong?" Canada asked, trying to hold up his brothers reputation.

England gave a hard stare at the blonde nation reading comics on the computer.

"The bloody bastards has only gone and lost all my tea….AGAIN."

France gave a chuckle. "Is that all? My, my you little tea sipper this is.. How do you say it…much ado about nothing?"

Arthur turned his stare to Francis.

"Did you just use MY Shakespeare?" Arthur exclaimed, raising his thick eyebrows.

"Why yes, yes I did."

With that the gentleman grabbed his leather jacket and stormed out the room.

"I'll be at the pub." He gruffly said, then slammed the door behind him.

America spun away from the computer.

"Listen to my totally awesome idea Brit…Britain?"

"He's gone." France tutted, "QUICK! Let's read his diary!"

"DUDE! That sounds like an awesome idea!"

"Um…are you sure this is ok..?"

But the others ignored poor Canada.

~Meanwhile~

Britain burst through the 'fox and hound's' doors and settled on a velvet bar stool.

"AH! Arthur! Not seen you round these parts recently, what a surprise!" The barman chirped.

Arthur gave a cold stare, "I'll have a single please…"

The barman raised an eyebrow.

" Yeah, your right. Make that a double."

The barman carried on chatting to the stressed nation; although all Arthur seemed to be doing was having shot after shot … after shot. Whilst that was going on, one of the staff was putting up a sign outside the pub. It read like so:

'Arthur's back in town! For one night only!'

Ello readers! I hope you enjoy my…. VERY. FIRST. FANFIC.

*gives herself a pat on the back*

Well I'm aiming for this to be funny, so any one-liners would be very much appreciated in the reviews

~ (っ╹ヮ╹)っ (Also critiques and e.t.c would be good.)

Just so you know, I've already written Chapter two (In which Sealand knows all) and halfway through Chapter three (In which Arthur is romantic)…

But its all on paper…ლ(ಠ益ಠლ

SO! When I type it up..(soon-ish?) It will be uploaded AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

See you soon~

Thebritishgirlchild.


	2. In which Sealand knows all

France was the first one to burst into Britain's room at America's house, followed by America, then reluctantly Canada.

France seized the opportunity to jump into Iggy's bed "Oui, I agree with Britain when he says he's got the best bed." He smirked, much to America's embarrassment.

"He ordered it himself I tell you!" America said, a little to forceful to be convincing.

"'Scose he fancies him." Sealand chirped, bounding out from a cupboard

America stumbled into a set of draws, "DUDE! How did you get here?" He asked, regaining his balance. "AND I DON'T FANCY BRITAIN!" Alfred added, still blushing.

Sealand stretched a bit," Climbed into the Jerk's suitcase. He wasn't leaving ME out on another holiday!" Peter spat. France glanced up from underneath England's covers; somehow he had already taken off his top and replaced it with one of Iggy's 'tight fitting' nightshirts.

"So you know what he packed?" Francis winked and smiled an smile that would make anyone shiver.

Sealand sighed. "I 'spose... but don't you guys want to talk to ME?" He whined, pouting a little.

"Yeah whatevs, Mattie will chat with ya later dude. But more Awesomely...DID HE BRING IRONED BOXERS?" America asked, wide eyed.

Sealand felt his eye twitch, "I think...he only brought two pairs...and they were folded..not ironed." He said, not really certain on why the bigger nation wanted to know this.

"MAN! THATS MINGING!" America cried out. He's staying for a month and everything!" France tutted, "Ah America, next you'll be asking if he wraps his stump before he humps~ Calm down."

America stopped in his tracks, fuming at France's suggestion, Sea land fell on the floor in a fit of giggles. "That reminds me of this time he had a girl round!" He cackled hysterically.

The two countries raised their eyebrow.

"We're all ears..little nation.

~Back at the pub~

"Arthur! Let me buy you a round!" A customer cheered at England, who was now slightly tipsy. The other people in the pub livened up.

"I concur!" One man shouted.

"I'll take two rounds!" Another chirped.

Britain turned a sly eye to the group of drunkards, "Whats my side of the barging then..eh?" He slurred, grinning like a mad man who'd just heard the voices tell them it was tea time.

The barman tapped Iggy on the shoulder and lifted up the infamous waiter suit Arthur used to wear when he was a regular at the Fox and Hound's Pub. The nation gave a drunken chuckle, "Now THAT I can do!" He beamed, then went to get changed in the bathroom.

As Britain was tying the ribbon round his collar, his good old friend Flying Mint Bunny rested on the sink. "Britain!" Flying Mint Bunny said in an angry tone. Arthur gawped at the green creatures appearance.

"Flying Mint Bunny! Did you fly all the way from England to see me?" He said in a slightly drunker sing song voice than usual.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK?" Flying Mint Bunny said, practically foaming at the mouth.

The green bunny flew in front of Iggy's mirror view and scowled. "DONT GET DRUNK!" He (she?) ordered, then with a zoom of green sparkle dust, flew out the room.

Britain smiled a sly smile to himself, "To late moi cherie~" He beamed.

Then beat himself up for sounding French.

Just when Arthur was about to leave the bathroom, Flying Mint Bunny came back. "Oh, and one more thing." He said. Britain raised an eyebrow.

"Go on then." He replied.

"Whats the opposite of near?"

"Far."

"What's the opposite of Queen?"

"King. God you should know that by now."

"What's the opposite of Heaven?"

"Hell."

"Now Britain, say all the answers quickly."

"Far king hell...OH fucking hell you git!" Britain rampaged whilst Flying Mint Bunny flew off, cackling at the nation's blunder.

~Author's note~

I had NO idea how to end this one. (I SUCK FTW!)

I was considering ending it at the bit where Iggy goes into the bathroom to get changed...But then I thought it was too short so I added the awkward Flying Mint Bunny bit.

(Yesh I am aware that it is still short even WITH the Flying Mint Bunny bit..But it takes up more room on paper mmmkay?)

As per usual I would be ever so grateful if you left ideas and criticism in the reviews

AND!/OR!

faved this and subscribed

*Superbly hoping she will become an EPIC fan fic writer*

Anyway,

SEE YOU LATER ALLIGATOR~

thebritishgirlchild.

P.S. My parents have seen this account and don't want me on it. However, with my super British spy skills I shall still be posting, but it may take time.

Me: Cus you all want to see Britain's Romance scene~

UK: NO THEY DO NOT!

Me: Yeah, they do. Trust me on this one.


	3. In which Arthur is romantic

Sealand stuck out his bottom lip, "You're gonna have to bribe me!" He taunted, holing out his hand to the others. "Name your price mon amie~" France said.

"I've got plenty of candy for ya dude!" America exclaimed.

Peter stomped his foot " I want to be a nation JERKS!" He screamed at the two blondes.

Just as France was about to sign a ready made form in Sealand's writing, Tony stormed in " If that fucking Limey is the one making the racket, I'M GONNA WHOOP HIS ASS!" He grumbled to himself as he barged in the room.

America beamed at his alien friend "Yo Tony! Could you like totally take Sealand's memories of Britain hitting on this girl and beam it on to the computer in video form dude?" America said in one breath.

Tony jumped at the chance with an evil twinkle in his eye.

Peter screamed and started throwing a hissy fit on the floor, " NUUUUUUUUU! FRANCE WAS SO CLOSE TO MAKING ME A NATION! HE WROTE FRANCIS BON! THAT ALIEN JERKY JERK IS JUST AS JERKY AS THAT JERKY JERK!"

France winked at America. " Hey America, would you mind sitting on boat boy for big brother?" He asked. America obliged, but only because Sealand was making him think of Beef Jerky, which mad him think of Hamburgers, which made him realise how hungry he was.

Tony and the others were waiting for the video to load on Arthur's computer when Canada piped up.

"Um, are you guys sure we should be invading Britain's personal space?" He asked quietly, clutching his baby polar bear tightly.

"DUDE! It's his fault for leaving the door unlocked!" America stated, still sitting on the squirming Sealand. France tutted. "Actually, you knocked the door down"

America stared blankly at the busted door. "We can over see that dude."

Tony turned around and clicked on the play button.

He was thinking of how awful the Limey must be at romancing.

America was thinking about how an old man like Britain could score in the first place.

France was thinking about the joys of Iggy romancing to his pleasure.

Sealand was thinking of how much he thought Tony was a jerk.

Canada was thinking about finding Britain and telling him about what

was happening.

Mr, Kumajiro was wondering who the heck was holding him.

~~~Britain's Romancing~~~

Britain walked into his house with a young lady. She was about 5 foot 6 and her hair was dark blond and tied in a messy bun.

Arthur gestured for the girl to sit down at the dining table. As she was doing so, he brought out a tea for two (If you don't know what that is. It's scones jam and clotted cream…with tea…And it's delicious mmmkay?) then sat down himself.

"Did you make these scones Arthur, they're simply divine!" The girl asked, covering her mouth politely. He blushed and took a sip of tea "Thank you, and yes, I did."

America spat out his soda (Don't ask me where he got it from.) In shock. "He's SOOO lying! I mean like seriously? SCONES. TASTY? No way man." He exclaimed. France tutted again "Typical, the British have no sense of taste."

There was then an awkward silence between the two lovers.

"Um..So how old are you?" England asked, breaking the tension. The girl raised her eyebrow,

"Im as old as the girl I feel. Thank you very much."

"YOU FEEL GIRLS?" Arthur asked, frozen to the spot in shock.

"THAT'S BALDERDASH!" The girl laughed off. "It was a metaphor silly!"

Iggy hung his head in shame "Sorry, I've been hanging around this stupid French frog…"He grumbled.

(France pouted at this)

"My mothers French."

"Oh really?" Arthur said, changing his tone. "And your Father?"

"American."

England forced a smile., "...yourself?…"

"I'm Scottish."

Britain's head hit the table in disappointment.

"Wait, Sealand…?" America asked the now sulking little boy.

"WHAT! YOU'VE DECIDE TO MAKE ME INTO A NATION!" He chirped hopefully. America laughed "HA HAAA! No."

Sealand cursed at him,

"What I was gonna ask was….How exactly did you watch all of this?"

Sealand chuckled to himself, "I was at Britain's house to steal some manga, but I decided to stay over night." He said "You know, this was a lucky night for that jerk, but I…" Sealand didn't end his sentence. No-one, not even Canada, was listening to him; all eyes were on Arthur's display of romance.

The girl and Arthur were now kissing in the hallway. You could hear Sealand muttering under his breath "..." But not doing anything to stop him seeing the events in front of him.

England pulled away from the girls lips, "Sorry, I forgot to ask…may I take your coat?" He asked, sort of blushing. The girl took off her coat " Are you …hinting something" She said, handing her coat over to Arthur, who was now red like a tomato. "I WAS DOING NO SUCH THING!" He stammered, "It was just the gentleman thing to ask!"

The girl laughed, "And is that priority to you?" She said, holding Arthur's waist. Iggy was now wearing a major blush on his face. "Well, that's what I've been brought up to believe…." He smiled.

This girl was clever, "I have reasons to believe that it is a gentleman's duty to please a lady…." She said.

"Uh…" Arthur started, but the girl kissed him...and slowly took his top off.

(America: I did not want to see that

France: YOU MUST EMBRACE THIS MOMENT AMERICA!)

"Hey Jerk! Make sure you don't crush her later!" Sealand burst out.

"SEALAND YOU GIT!" Arthur screamed manly -like, chasing him out the house.

The video stopped with Arthur standing in the middle of the town, with no top on, giving Sealand a lecture on how it's not right to interrupt people in their activities.

The room went silent, I'm not sure anyone could comment on what they've just saw.

Suddenly the door slammed and drunken singing could be heard.

"ENNNNGLLLLLLLLAAAAND! ENGLAND! GOD SAVE THE QUEEN AND ALL THAT CRAP!" Britain was singing, slowly making his way up the stairs.

"HERE COMES BRITAIN! EVERYBODY HIDE!" America shouted causing a massive scrambled around the room.

Britain dragged himself to his room. He took a double-take on the knocked down door, but then dismissed it. He walked up to a mirror and raised an eyebrow.

" I'm surprised this still fits." he said to himself, adjusting the bow.

America let out a small laugh from his hiding place, " Britain, you have NO taste." he whispered.

Arthur struck a thinking pose, " I wonder if they still have my policeman outfit there…." He chuckled, getting into bed. He rolled over and shoved his face into the Union Jack pillow. "I've not got my pyjamas on…" he thought. "Or pants for that matter…" Iggy felt his eyes begin to droop. "SCREW THE RULES!" He shouted with a smile on his face, then fell softly asleep. Unaware of the facet he wasn't the only one in the bed….

~Authors note!~

HELLO! Um I don't have much to say about this chapter…..

(apart from the fact the romance scene was REALLY EMBARRASSING to write at school; I had to use all my secret agent skills to be doubly sure no-one saw. XD)

Anyway, what is a soda?

I know that American's have soda...but WHAT IS IT?

Is it like lemonade?

Anyway, I should be updating every week….or two weeks…

So , keep yer eyes peeled!

Thebritishgirlchild~


	4. In which a secret is revealedliterary

Everyone woke up Before Iggy the next morning; they had fallen asleep in their hiding places.

America wiggled his way out of the small cupboard and stretched a bit. "pssst, Amérique. I cannot move..." France whispered.

America scanned around the room, "Dude. Where are you?" He asked to the empty space.

"In the bed, where else?" France replied, laughing to himself.

America jumped up and down, "Check it out Yo! I've had the BEST idea EVERRRRR!" He cheered to everyone else, who were making their way out of their hiding spots. Sealand rubbed his eyes "What is it? If it involves annoying Jerk Britain then I'm in."

Canada raised a hand "M-may I ask what the idea is...?" He asked, only to be cut off by his Brother.

"I SAY WE GET IN BRITAINS BED! ALL OF US!"

"But won't he wake up?" France asked.

"One way to find out Yo!"

"A-and what is that...?"

"Lick him."

"With pleasure! Honhonhohnhonh~"

The others gathered round as France wrapped his arms around Britain and lent into his cheek. He stuck out his tongue and slowly licked the sweating Britain.

"Dude, that was like so ew."

"Tastes like Tasteless English Pub grub."

Britain's eyes snapped open to see America, Canada and Sealand above him.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!" He screamed, frowning intensely at America. Britain felt a grip round his chest and tried to look behind him.

"FRANCE, YOU FROG! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED!" Britain shouted, trying to squirm out of France's grip. France just gripped harder and pushed their faces together.

"Quick! America capture this moment!" He said, moving Britain's face to touch his.

"DUDE! THAT'S AN EPIC IDEA!" America laughed, scrambling around for the nearest camera.

"HOW OLD DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" Britain screamed.

France whispered seductively into his ear, "Why, I'm as old as the girl I feel Mon Amie~"

The whole room went silent and America quickly took a picture of France and England 'snuggling'.

"Wait... That's...SEALAND! WHAT EXACTLY HAVE YOU TOLD THEM!"

Sealand ran away. VERY. QUICKLY. "YOU CAN'T BLAME ME JERK!" He shouted, just before slamming the front door shut. Britain jumped out of the bed and was about to chase after him when...

"DUDE! You've got a tattoo?" America exclaimed, wide-eyed.

"Ooh, I never knew about that Iggy...It's right where only special people go too~" France mocked.

Britain turned around and shoved his back against the wall. He'd completely forgotten that he was still in the waiter suit and a major blush grew on his face. "DON'T TELL ANYONE! Please..?" He stammered.

"B-Britain...could you ...get off me?" Canada wheezed from behind Britain.

"ARRG! America! SORRY!" Arthur jumped and helped the quiet nation gain balance.

"Um..I'm C-"

"Now seriously guys, .." Iggy said, his face radiating 'I mean it wankers.'

France dragged himself out of bed and made his way out the room.

"Hey! Is that my night shirt?"

"Oui. It shows my figure don't you think?" France boasted, winking at Canada.

"IT'S BECAUSE IT'S TOO BLOODY SMALL FOR YOU!" England shouted, forcing Francis out the room.

Canada followed France but America stayed in the room. "America...Get out."

"DUDE! You never told me 'bout that tattoo!"

"That's old news America..."

"I WANT ONE."

~AUTHORS NOTE! LALALA~

Hello...I had writers block this chapter so I had no Idea where it was going. But now at least I have an idea for chapter 5... :D I'm begging you for reviews..I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU...Please?

Thebritishgirlchild~


	5. In which a tattoo is discussed

Britain stopped in his tracks. He wasn't quite sure if he'd misheard the blue eyed nation, or he was just still drunk from the night before. But, to Arthur's disappointment, it was clear what Alfred had said.

"Dude, you hear me? I want a tattoo." America repeated, as if Britain hadn't heard the first time. France popped his head round the door, "Am I hearing correctly? America wants a tattoo? ~" He sniggered. Iggy sighed, "Unfortunately yes. But he's not getting one..."

"YOUV'E GOT ONE!"

"I WAS VERY DRUNK!"

"I say we let him get one. ~"

Arthur turned to Francis and gave him a hard stare "And what makes you think that?" He asked, hands on his hips. France smiled "Well...Alfred's the hero no? ~ He's heroic enough to make his own decisions." He said, placing a hand on America's shoulders. "EXACTLY! The hero always makes the best decisions!" America beamed. England shook his head "I just don't think it's civilised for someone to have a tattoo on view..."

"Says the person in the naked waiter suit~"

"Dude! Who said it would be on view?"

America decided to do it. The one thing that Britain could not resist to, even with his tsundere personality. America turned on the puppy eyes.

"N-no don't do that America." Britain stammered, desperately trying to look away from the blue pools of America's eyes. "B-but Britain...I weally weally! Would like very much a tattoo..." he said, changing his voice to that of a dense 5 year old."Speak properly man!" Britain said flustered by America, who seemed to make himself close to crying. "BUT BWIIII-TAIIIIN! PWEASE, PWEASE, PWEASE PWEEEEEEEASEEEEE!"

"OK, OK, on two conditions." Iggy sighed.

America fist-pumped the air, "What's that?"

Britain crawled back into bed and pulled the covers over his head "One, you leave me alone. And two, I get to put on your tattoo." America smiled and went to turn out the room, not really caring as long as he got the god damn thing. ' Re-sult.' He thought to himself, 'I knew that Britain couldn't resist my puppy dawg..' "WHAT?" He screamed (Like a man, of course) causing Britain to wince.

France smiled "I wondered when our Amerique would realise. Personally I think Britain made the second part of the deal just to see his body~ Ohonhonhon.." Britain rolled off the bead in a scrabble and grabbed France by the collar "I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I MADE THAT DEAL JUST TO...TO! I don't know! I needed to improve my skills!"

America stopped being worried and jumped up and down, "So you DO know how to do a tattoo!" He squealed, wiping a worried sweat away. Britain let go of France and turned to the blue eyed nation "Of course." He lied with a fake smile. With that America made no haste to grab France and storm out the room with him. "SEE YA IGGY! I'll let you sleep so you can be awesome for my tattoo tomorrow!" he said and slammed the door, leaving the Briton standing practically naked in his room "THAT'S NOT MY NAME TWAT!"

XDXDXDXD

Author's note

'ELLO! **

ANYWAY!~ I HAVE got ideas for the next chapter (something bout models XD) But I was wondering who you would like in the future chapters (anyone for parings ? :D) I think Poland will make an appearance next chapter...As an owner of a modelling company.*SPOILERS*Also, I need to know what type of tattoo Britain should make America get. XD

So see you whenever I get round to it!

Reviews= motivation~

Thebritishgirlchild


	6. In which help is called

The next day whilst America was eating breakfast ( FYI France had gone to Canada's house and Britain had shipped Sealand back to England on the next plane possible.) Britain hurriedly punched in the number of the only person he could think of helping him.

"Hola?"

"Good morning Mexico, its Britain."

"What do you want?"

"Gah, sorry. Um...America wants a tattoo and I don't know how to do it. I was wondering if you'd perhaps...do it for me."

"No chance mi amigo."

"What? But I gave you all those Cornish miners' two hundred years back!"

"No."

"THEY GAVE YOU PASTIES AND FOOTBALL."

"NO!"

Britain rubbed his head in thought.

"I'll let you pick what America has as a Tramp stamp."

There was a few moments of tedious silence until Mexico gave and small sigh.

"Hmph. Sí, te veré en una hora. Pendejo."

And with that Mexico slammed down the phone.

Britain let go of a breath that he didn't know he was holding and made his way to the dining room. "Did she just call me a wanker in Spanish?" He asked himself.

"HEY BRITAIN! Decided what I'm having as a tattoo yet?" America beamed then ushered Britain into a chair at the table.

"Um-"  
>"I was thinking maybe stars and stripes and superhero's and nukes. But that for you to decided. Oh, and USA RULES UK SUCKS."<p>

"OH SHUT IT!"

America piped down and looked at Britain, who now held his head in his hands, apologetically.

"Ah, yes. Um..I'll leave your breakfast here then."

Britain heard a plate being placed on the table then footsteps leading out the room. Glancing up he saw that America had especially made a full English breakfast and a pot of earl grey. "America...you idiot, you try too hard." Britain silently mused, then tucked in contently.

However, if the greed eyed nation had turned the plate around, he would of seen that the breakfast was in fact, shaped as a heart.

XDXDXDXDXD

DING DONG!

"I'll get it!" America shouted.

Britain dropped his teacup and made a mad dash to intervene America. "NO! WAIT, IT'S FOR ME!"

America's hand hovered over the door handle, "It's...for you?" He asked, frowning a little.

"Yes, now go away."

Once America went back on his X-box England hesitantly opened the front door.

"Mexico? Ah, thank god, your here. Set up in the dining room, please."

Mexico shoved past and scowled, "Si, Si...But get some clothes on."

Britain looked down on himself and saw just the small waiter's apron, "Bollocks."

XDXDXDXDXD

America bounced up and down on the balls of his feet and knocked on the door rapidly, "Come ooon! DUDE! Let me in!"

~Inside~

"Right, so I'm going to blindfold America, then you're going to pretend to be me and apply the tattoo procedure" Britain said in an ushered tone.

"Si,Si. Now go away." Mexico moaned, testing out all the inks on a slab of pig meat.

"Ah...yes. Sorry. Once again, thank you very much Mexico." Britain smiled, a little embarrased, then opened the door.

"AH! AT LAST!-" America was cut short by Britain forcing a Blindfold over his eyes.

"W-what are you doing?" America paniced.

Britain clutched onto his shoulders and led him into the dining room, "Don't worry, being blindfolded helps lad" He whispered in Americas ear.

America let out a sigh of relief when suddenly he was pushed forward onto a table, strapped down and his shirt forcefully removed

"B-BRITAIN? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" He wailed.

Britain paniced at what Mexico was currently doing to America, "U-UH! D-don't worry! All normal procedure!" The bushy browed man tried to reasure, but failed miserably.

"I dont like iiiit! Britain! STOP ITTTT!"

Mexico smirked an evil grin that would put Russia to shame (Don't tell him that XD) and glared at Britain as if to say ' Can't stop me now amigo'

"Heh heh... It's too late now America!" Britain nervously chirped, then waited outside for Mexico to finish.

XDXDXDXDXD

Author's note

Heyo! I've decided to split this chapter in half (Screw you I can do what i like, ta.) So sorry for those who was expecting Poland's apperance.

ANYWAY~ Thank you to SeafoamPurpleCurtains for the Mexico Idea ( I can now have a liable excuse for the modeling XD )

REVIEWS=MORE ROMANCE AND SHIZZLE DIZZLE!

(did you see my USUK hinting? :D)


	7. In which the pain is soothed

An: Just a quick chapter before my dad picks me up (this is almost like an fill in episode)

XDXDXDXDXDXDXD

America lay on the sofa face down and moaned, the pain on his lower back was tremendous.

"IGGYY..."

...

"ARTIEEEEEEE..."

...

"ARTHUR! PLEASE! HELLLLP MEEEEEE!"

Said British gentleman burst through the doors and smirked mockingly, "See why I suggested you didn't get a tattoo?" Arthur walked up to the American and knelt down beside him.

"Is there anything I can get you?"

America smiled sweetly and rubbed his eyes "I-ice cream would be great thanks...And a soda...And some burgers...and those really wicked-"

"Just the ice cream America, you'll get fat." Britain interrupted. America huffed in response to the thick browed nation's reasoning.

"America...you're a git...you know that?"

Britain gentle pressed a kiss on the healing tattoo, causing Alfred to squirm and hold in a scream, "YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE! EVIIIIIIILLLLLL."

England scampered out the room and smiled, "You deserved it!" he mused.

XDXDXDXDXD

Half an hour later, and Britain still hadn't returned to give America his Ice cream.

"ARTIEEEEEE...WHERE ARE YOUUUUU?"

...

"BRITAIN?"

...A loud crash came from the direction of the kitchen.

"OH SHIT." America said to himself, "Britain's in the kitchen isn't he?" He frantically scrambled off the sofa and landed on his back!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Another scream rung out in sync with his and America ran to the kitchen, ignoring the throbbing pain in his back.

"BRITAIN, WHAT HAPPENED?"

The kitchen lay in ruins. A pan lid had somehow been wedged into the ceiling; with a trail of brown mess following its path. A couple of smashed mugs lay in the microwave and the screen of said microwave smashed in, the only untouched thing in the room was a bowl of melted ice cream.

'ding' went the microwave, breaking the scilence.

"..done?"

Arthur ran his bloody fingers through his hair and smiled apologetically.

"I was making...hot chocolate...and the ingredients were defective."

"D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DDDD! You Idiot. Hot chocolate doesn't mean Hot. Chocolate. You use this powder see?" America smiled, holding up the instant hot chocolate packet.

"Bollocks." Britain simply replied.

XDXDXDXDXD

So yeah... You'll find out what the tattoo is next chapter...And the modelling SHOUUULD come around.


	8. In which the words have been set

"Ashi-...Britain...BRITAIN!"

"Oh come on, it's not that bad..."

"QUICKER! DO IT QUICKER!"

"NO! It hurts more if I do it quicker...Trust me, America."

"PLEASE! IT'S JUST...AHHHHHHHH!"

This is the conversation Japan and Hungary heard outside of America's bedroom.

"W-what do you think they're doing?" Hungary drooled, pushing a tissue to her nose. Japan poked his eye through the key hole (Yes America's bedroom door has a lock. Just in case, you know? XD) and secretly examined what was going on inside.

"Well...America-San Has Got his top off...And Ingirisu is leaning over him and fiddling with the part just above his trousers..." He smirked, taunting Hungary just a little bit more.

She reacted just as Japan had planned; she lent herself against the door, restraining herself from barging in.

"W-We've got to get in there!" She stammered, clutching her portable camera, so tight, you could almost see the plastic cracking.

Japan shook his head and gave a smug smile "Listen, It's not what you think. America-san called me over to show me his new tattoo."

"America has a tattoo?"

"Hai, England-san applied it, apparently he was very rough."

The two yaoi loving nations sat and imagined for a bit, until two very shocked cries rung out.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" America screamed angrily.

"WHAT WAS I THINKING! Y-YOU MEAN, WHAT WAS SHE THINKING?"

Japan took this as a cue to walk into the bedroom; telling politely for Hungary to wander round New York, and that he will make a doujinshi for her about the whole thing.

"Ack! Japan, don't look!" America suddenly babbled hysterically.

Japan promptly covered his eyes with his hands, unknown to the others that he could still see what was going on.

Britain scanned America's lower back whilst fashoning a rather bright red on his face. Had Mexico really done this to him? Why yes, yes she did.

"KIKU WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DOOOOO?" America whined again, whipping out an emergency burger.

Japan went to uncover his eyes but Britain stopped him before said looking could be done.

"U-Uh Japan..If you could..not look? That would be great" He mumbled " You see, I got Mexico to do it for me...But she would only do so if she got to choose what was written."

Japan nodded in understanding, he didn't mention to the flustered tsundere that he already knew what was written on America's back. Or that he was conjuring up very tasty doujinshi endings for Hungary with England playing seme. But instead, he turned out the room and left the two blonde nations to their own devices.

XDXDXDXDXD

Britain crouched down next to America in his little emo corner.

"Maybe it's not that bad..."

"You liar, even you hate this...Why did you do it?" America huffed.

Britain staightened out his tie "Um...Well I had to get Mexico to do it...And she would only do so if I let her choose what was on it."

America stared at Britain wided eyed, then the awkward silence came.

"AH YOU IDIOT! We've got to take it off!"

"Yes...but it costs a lot..."

"Then we find a job tommorrow!'

And this would be done. Because no-one wants 'Insert Britain here' on their butt do they?

XDXDXD

Author's note:

I would LOVE insert Britian here on my buttocks thanks muchly. XD


	9. In which a job is offered

Britain woke up the next day to another mug (not teacup, unfortunately) of Earl gray. The person who passed it to him smiled sweetly and lowered himself slowly on an arm chair. Britain had spent the night before tearing apart the papers for any job available. He had calculated that to afford the procedure to remove America's tattoo would cost £500. But he wasn't sure how many dollars that would be, so he would just have to earn $1000 and see what happens.

But this is where the problem occurred. No matter how many papers he looked in, there wasn't any that offered the right amount of money.

"I could always help you earn the money..." America offered, munching on a hamburger whilst he flicked aimlessly through one of the many papers. Britain placed his tea on one of the gaps on the mahogany table and rose from his position. His bones clicked from the sudden movement, causing the Briton to wince.

"America, it was my fault that Mexico brandished that mockery on your back; and I intend to take full responsibility."

England let out a sigh and stretched; America frowned a little and joined in with his own sigh.

XDXDXD

Meanwhile (outside the room)

Hungary and Japan repeated the plan to Poland, carefully.

"Hai, we want you to enrol Britain into your modelling shoot. Say that a payment of one thousand U.S. dollars is included, Hungary-san and I will pay him." Japan nodded, tissue to nose.

"But he's, like, totally butt ugly!"

"Yes...But Alfred won't think that when...HE'S DRESSED IN JUST A JUMPERRRR!" Hungary squealed.

Poland nodded eagerly then burst through the door, causing Hungary and Japan to run away quickly.

XDXDXD  
>"Like, thank me now!" Poland screamed, bouncing on the balls of his feet. America lightened up at the other Nation's appearance.<p>

"DUDE! WH-"

"Sorry Poland. But I am in the middle of searching for a job...Perhaps later?"

Poland flicked his hair and gave a smirk, "But that's, like, what I'm here to offer!"

XDXDXDXDXDXXD

After Britain had finished hugging Poland to the death (Yes, most Brit's are huggers, trust me.) He gestured for him to sit down on the sofa.

"So, how much does this job offer?" The Brit asked eagerly.

"Like, one thousand dollars!"

Arthur began beaming again, clapping his hands together franticly. This was EXACTLY what he needed right now! He could get that stupid tattoo off America's back in no time! But...what would it be like if Britain could make the American squirm from underneath him? The Britain sat down in thought and smiled to himself a little.

"Dude, what's the job?" America asked, interrupting Britain from his rather disturbing thoughts.

"Ah well, it's ,like, totally a secret!"

"Then...I don't think Iggy should-"

"I'll do it. Tomorrow eight o clock right?" Arthur blurted, shaking his head from thinking too much about the images of Alfred...There was no way he felt like that, right? Just his inner pervert...Yes that was it.

"Yeah, meet you at the city hall~ Laters!" Poland laughed, and then sauntered out the room.

Alfred frowned, yeah, he did want the tattoo gone...But it would have been nice if Alfred and Arthur could have fun raising the money together...Wait! That's not how he felt at all!

"Hey, Britain."

"Hm? What is it America?"

"I am going to have to help you in some way to get this off..."

"I'll think about it...So you mean like...payment?"

"Yeah."

Suddenly a manic laughter run out throughout the room. Britain clutched his stomach in laughter.

"Y-You're a pervert Britain!"

Said sentence resulted in a smack around the head with a nearby newspaper from the British nation.


	10. In which the shot is taken

That night, America couldn't get to sleep; he'd either drunk too much coffee, he was scared shitless because of the movie Britain and he watched, or he wasn't tired. Well, the last one wasn't true, because he WAS tired...And the first one can be eliminated, because Arthur had ruined all of his coffee because of the whole tea situation. (Although, Britain hadn't figured out that, when he received an Earl Grey every morning, it meant that Alfred actually DID have his god-damn tea... And Britain called him an idiot!)

Anyway, so that left the fact that he was scared shitless.

It wasn't his fault! The Christmas Carol was fricken scary if you'd ask him! All those ghosts...

But he couldn't wake Britain that would be cruel. He had his job tomorrow to get rid of America's tattoo. ...And if he didn't get sleep he wouldn't work properly...America stood outside of Britain's bedroom door (Which was now propped up with heavy duty glue)he placed his fists up against the door, raised it and..

Tap, tap.

"WUAAAA WHAT WAS THAT?" America screamed unceremoniously, busting through the door again and landing on Britain.

"You dolt, it's 2 AM!"

America wiggled in under the covers, hugging the green-eyed nation tight. "The ghosts, there here, Britain..." He mumbled, digging his head into Britain's chest. Arthur sighed,

"Git, Ghosts aren't things to be scared of! Tell me now what's stopping me from forcing you out of my.." Britain glanced down at the other to find him snoring gently. Sighing, he adjusted his body so he could be as comfortable as possible in the younger's gripping arms.

"Just...Don't drool on me." He whispered, closing his eyes and slowly drifting back to sleep.

XDXDXDXD

BEEP-DA-BEEP-DA-BEEEP-DA-BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Arthur reached out his arm to hit the alarm, opening his eyes slightly to get used to the light. As he opened them the numbers glowing in blue straightened themselves out.

"WHAT THE FUCK. IT'S QUARTER TO EIGHT?" Arthur screamed, his voice raising an octave. He began struggling out the bed, hurriedly grabbing clothes and shoving them on himself. America slowly opened his eyes, already dressed beneath the covers.

Britain paused in his doings and saw Alfred clothed and ready

"THIS WAS YOU WASN'T IT." He argued, grabbing America by the collar. America held up his hands defensively "W-Well, you looked so peaceful sleeping! A-And I didn't want to wake you!" He blabbered, waiting for impact on his face. However, Britain just sighed (again) and left the room, trying to flatten down his hair. America stood in the middle of the room in silence, the front door gave a slam.

"Dude, there's no way I'm missing this." He spoke to himself, and made his way to the City hall.

XDXDXDXDXDXD

Britain turned up at the City hall to find Poland tapping one foot and starting at him, with an ad-lib pout on his face.

"Your late." He stated, then clapped his hands "Makeup!"

Arthur was suddenly surrounded by a load of bustling Women attacked him with brushes and make-up. 'Aw, you're so cute' One said, pencilling his eyebrows into shape. 'Are you free after this?' Said another.

Arthur smiled; he just didn't know what to say... Then the Women took him behind a screen, handing him a few outfits.

'Let me just check which one's first.'

Arthur stood there whilst trying to figure out what the outfits were, they were folded and put into plastic bags, so it was hard to tell...

XDXDXD

Hungary and Japan sat on the side in disguise, tissues in pockets.

'Excuse me, sirs. Which outfit should he wear first?' The woman asked. Japan and Hungary took a quick scope of the room.

'Alfred's not here yet.' Muttered Hungary, frowning.

'Hai, let's start with his usual attire then' Japan agreed.

The woman nodded and went to tell Arthur what to wear.

XDXDXDXDXD

Arthur came out from behind the screen in a pinstripe waistcoat and trousers, carrying a black umbrella to match and a top hat placed on his head.

"Feliks why modelling...WHY?" Arthur stammered, frowning in disbelief. Poland let out a childish laugh "Cus, like, it's so Glamorous! It's just a simple request. Go through with this, and I'll give you like, one hundred extra!"

Arthur grunted and complied, standing in the white space and posing with the umbrella folded up, leaning on it like a cane. Poland didn't move to the camera. Suddenly Arthur felt a nudge on his elbow,

"Move, Bastardo."

Arthur raised an eyebrow at the others presence, Romano wore a matching outfit to his. "Lovino...What are you doing here?" He asked, keeping his pose with the umbrella. Romano posed with his umbrella on his shoulder.

"Stupid Tomato lover said that if I did this, he'd stay away from me for a month. And, I'd get more tomato stock. So, as bad as this is...It's worth it. What about you, Tea sipper?"

Britain had half a mind to shout at the other for calling him that, but decided against it.  
>"Ah, well...I'm here for the money...To put it simply"<p>

Poland held up his hand to signal that the photos were going to be taken,

"OK, you three, smile or frown or whatever!" Poland chirped, leaning an eye to the camera.

'Wait, three?' Arthur thought, turning to the side and gripped the rim of the top hat and tilted his head down. Flip what was America doing there?

"America, what are you doing here?" Arthur asked in a harsh whisper. The other gripped the umbrella in both hands a little bit tighter.

"It's Canada, Arthur...And I'm here for the Maple fun time Francis promised after this."

Poland told the modelling trio to get into their next outfit, and Arthur walked off, wondering if Matthew had taken France's intentions the wrong way...

Arthur had like the next outfit. He wore red tartan bondage trousers and an Anarchy t-shirt; the women had painted his nails black and slapped on black eye-liner and an Union jack guitar slung over his back...Naturally, he posed with his middle finger to the camera and his tongue poked out, his piercings shining in the light. Romano had been clothed in a suave outfit, a black fedora hat on his head and blacked out glasses, his body clothed in a spy-like suit. And he carried a gun. Yes, A gun. 'Flip that better not be loaded...' thought Arthur, then decided to look away when Romano licked the gun...Very suggestively. Canada, on the other hand, wore a red lumberjack outfit, and axe swung behind his shoulder. 'Hey this isn't fair, I want a weapon.' He complained in his head, and then raised his guitar as if he were to smash it.

That's when he saw them. Three sadistic looking countries smiling at the acts the others were doing.

Francis, Antonio and Alfred. The fucking gits.

XDXDXDXD

America snuck through the door of the city hall. Two shady looking men (One looked strangely female to him...) Smiled at his presence. He would have come earlier, but there was an offer on hamburgers at Maccy D's that had to be taken up on...So that had taken him a while. The two men lead him past the cameras and to Francis and Antonio. Wait, Alfred..Go back, double take. There was Arthur...Dressed as a punk. A 'proclaimed' Gentleman...AS A PUNK. Alfred did a mini manly-squeal and then had to take another glance back. Was that his brother? And Lovino? His eyes travelled across to where he was being lead to. France...And Spain...Suddenly it clicked, this was all a set up!

Arthur stopped posing for the contrast-culture photos and walked slowly to the screen again, shooting death rays at Alfred. Alfred jumped up oblivious and sauntered over to him.

"IGGY~ THAT WAS SUPER COOL!" He laughed, a goofy, Hollywood smile plastered on his face. Arthur gave a sharp turn on his heels, away from Alfred.

"Go home, Git. This is only for the money. I had no idea it was going to be ...this. I don't appreciate you gawking at me either!" And with that, he rushed behind the screen.

Alfred walked back to Antonio and France.

"Ah, having trouble with Angleterre, Mon Amie? Maybe he'll work like your brother, promise him something in return, and he'll comply. Especially if you-

"..LA. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOU INSERTING YOURSELF INTO MY BRO'S BUTT HOLE! THANK YOU, VERRRY, MUCH!" America shouted, unaware of how loud he was really being.

("Maple...")

Spain laughed at the two other nations "Si, you have to promise things with Lovi too~" He chirped, not quite understanding the situation.

("BASTARDO, I HEARD THAT!")

The three stopped bickering when the modelling trio made their way out from behind the screens.

"Ah, Mathieu, I love it!"

"Loviiiii~ You look adorable!"

"Britain...WHAT THE HELL MAN?"

The mentioned three stormed past, not batting an eye to the others. One with a blush spread across his face, the others with prudent scowls. As they got to the photo area, all three wore blushes. On their bodies, they wore an oversized jumper each. Arthur's black, Lovino's grey and Matthew's White. And that was it. Just the jumper.

"What the bloody hell is a bed doing there?" Arthur protested, kicking the bed thusly. Canada slowly made his way up on the bed, covering himself where possible; as if sorely motivated by Maple. Lovino took a glance at Antonio, who had passed out on the floor; seeing this, he too clambered on the oversized bed.

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?" Arthur screamed again, not really protesting as much as he'd like, fore he was only wearing boxers under the jumper...

"Like, if you don't do this, you won't get the money!" Poland interrupted, tapping his foot again impatiently. Britain sighed, well, if he was going to do this, he may as well have some fun with it...

Once on the bed, Arthur glanced at Alfred (Who was now drooling, much to his dismay) the executed his plan. He leaned towards the camera, bum up in the air, making his jumper ride up his legs.

"Flip, , FLIP." He heard America mumble.

Arthur then gave a wink and licked his hand innocently; this caused not only Alfred to laugh nervously, but Francis to mutter that annoying 'ohhonhoohonhonh.'

Japan and Hungary squealed amongst themselves, tissues promptly pressed to noses. Seeing this, Poland tried to make his 'oh so glamorous show' much better.

"That's it! Like, totally widen your eyes like an innocent virgin! Woo!"

Two of the trio did as said, still under that motivation trance. However, Arthur scoffed at the suggestion and stood up on the bed and placed his hands on his hips dominantly.

"As a true Briton," He stated, smirking at the camera still "It's not the size of the eyes that satisfies!" He then leaned forward, one hand on his hip still; the other pointing in a matter-of- factly way. He then lowered his voice to a seductive murmer "It's the throb of the knob that does the job~"

That sentence then caused many a things. The two men in the corner collapsed from blood loss. Alfred turned a bright red. And France laughed and nodded in agreement.

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD

A/N

I had no idea where to finish this , so there will have to do.

WHAT IS THIS? I hear you cry. A NEW TRIO?

Well, I'm not sure if it's working but I call that trio...THE UKE TRIO!

(clap clap for the crap crap trio name~)

Also, don't expect other chapters to be as long as this, this was purely whim drabble.


End file.
